The Alchemist’s Shield: Navigating the Fog of Medical Gaslighting

 The Waiting Room of the Forgotten 

    Recently, I sat in an ER waiting room in Orem, and I saw the face of a failing system. I was there because my Degenerative Disc Disease (DDD) had progressed to "saddle numbness"—a red-flag symptom that usually demands immediate imaging. But as I sat there, I wasn't just a patient; I was a witness.

I saw a baby, red-faced and screaming with fever, sitting in only a diaper, looking utterly miserable. I sat next to a man whose breathing sounded like a saturated sponge, nodding off in a way that made my skin crawl. I watched a woman stumble in, clutching a trash can, gasping that she was having an allergic reaction, only to be told to sit back down in the lobby after her vitals. Meanwhile, someone with a UTI was ushered straight to the back.

The system isn't just slow; it’s blind. I eventually signed an AMA (Against Medical Advice) and walked out. I couldn't sit there and watch others suffer while feeling like my own emergency didn't matter.

The Double Betrayal: When "Home" Providers Fail 

    This gaslighting follows us home. My partner recently suffered a massive seizure that left her confused and partially paralyzed. While the ER doctor actually listened and diagnosed her with Todd’s Paralysis, our shared GP brushed her off. When my partner asked for supportive devices for when the paralysis hits, the GP said she "wasn't comfortable" ordering them and suggested physical therapy instead.

I’ve faced the same wall. When I sought help for my DDD pain, the ER sent me home with a muscle relaxer, no MRI, no blood work. I refuse opioids because addiction runs in my family, and I will not risk that path. When I followed up with my GP, she told me my condition was "just arthritis." When I saw the POTS specialist, she told me things I already knew from my time as a caregiver to my mother who also has POTS and basically said, "Just don't pass out."

How to Navigate the Fog Without Feeling "Crazy" 

    When you are told to "soldier through" or that your paralysis is just something to "PT away," the gaslighting starts to sink into your bones. Here is how we reclaim our sanity:

*Trust Your Vessel: You are the only person who lives inside your skin. If you have saddle numbness, if you are paralyzed, if you are bracing in pain, it is real. A doctor’s "discomfort" does not negate your reality.

*The Power of the AMA: Sometimes, walking away is an act of self-respect. If a facility is treating you like a number while you watch a baby suffer in a waiting room, you have the right to seek care elsewhere or protect your peace at home.

*Refuse the Dismissal: When they try to label your chronic condition as "just stress" or "just arthritis," hold the line. Use your "Alchemic Voice" to say: "I am not here for a band-aid; I am here for a diagnostic plan."

*Witness for Each Other: My partner and I are each other’s anchors. When the GP dismissed her, I was there to validate that what she experienced was a medical crisis, not a suggestion.

A Call for Change 

    We are told to trust the experts, but when the experts stop looking at the human in front of them, we have to become our own advocates. The system is failing the disabled, the sick, and even the babies in the waiting room. We have to speak up, not just for ourselves, but for everyone sitting in those horribly uncomfortable chairs, waiting to be seen.

With love and light, Ashley




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