The Rubble of the Sacred Pause: Navigating Disturbed Energy

    Yesterday, I chose to step back. I initiated a Sacred Pause, intentionally staying off my social media platforms to give myself a moment of pure breathing room before stepping back into work.

If I’m being completely honest, relaxing didn’t come easily at first. It rarely does when you’re used to constantly moving. But eventually, I fell into a gentle, restorative rhythm: a chilled coffee, a quick check of my stats, and then letting myself sink completely into the comforting, immersive world of witchy and slow living YouTube.

Throughout the day, I felt little ebbs and flows of anxiety—that nagging, conditioned voice whispering that I should be doing something "productive." But I fought for my quiet. The peace I felt far outweighed the urge to push myself back into work mode. And when my partner came down sick, I willingly pushed through my own pain to handle what needed to be taken care of. I didn't mind it at all. One of the absolute foundational rules in our household is that resting is not a crime. When one of us needs to pause, the other holds the space.

As the evening wore on, I decided to close out my relaxing day by connecting with a good friend of mine who practices remote Reiki. I thought it would be the perfect, peaceful exclamation point on my day of rest.

But the moment I consented to his energy touching mine, a wave of hesitation hit me. I went along with it anyway.

Sitting here today, in the quiet light of a new morning, I’m wrestling with that choice. I’m not so sure I should have let his energy into my field. My internal landscape feels entirely disturbed, like a shelf was shaken and things were violently knocked loose. I can feel, with absolute certainty, that there is energy lingering in my field that simply does not belong to me.

To reclaim my boundaries, I’ve had to ground myself and speak it aloud: "This extra energy I am feeling is not mine. I return it to sender."

To be honest, I'm not quite sure I want to let someone else touch my energy ever again. The internal landscape I have been creating for myself is my sacred space. It's where I feel my peace. It's where I find my solitude.

Yet, as I sit with the discomfort, the Alchemist in me is starting to look at this situation through a different lens. Sometimes, energy work doesn't just soothe you—it intentionally knocks things loose so you are forced to look at them. It creates a chaotic, internal rubble.

I might not know exactly what has been unearthed in this debris quite yet, but I’m reminding myself that I have all the time in the world to figure it out. This journey of healing and self-discovery isn't a frantic sprint. It’s a marathon. And today, I am giving myself permission to sift through the rubble at my own pace.

With love from the shadows,

Ashley





If my words have offered you a moment of healing, consider buying me a coffee. Your support keeps this voice independent and the magic moving.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Sacred Earth: A Ritual of Primordial Release

Image
     For a long time, we were taught that healing had to be "bright." We were told to look upward, to seek the light, and to wash ourselves in a sterile, pale glow. But for those of us who have walked through the deep thickets of the shadows, the light can feel cold. It can feel like a "church mindset" that asks us to hide our scars and speak in whispers. I have found a deeper, more ancient solace in the  Earthy Dark . My Goddesses—the ones who stand at the crossroads and the ones who flew from the garden to find their own sovereignty—do not ask me to be "pure." They ask me to be  Solid . They are ethereal, yes, but they have the weight of mountains and the heat of the deep earth. When I lean into the energy of  Lilith  or  Hekate , I am not looking for a distant, judging god. I am looking for the Mother of Shadows who knows exactly what it feels like to be cast out, misunderstood, and yet remain unbroken. She is grounded. She is ancient. She does...
Read more

The Great Betrayal: When the Fairy Tale Burns

Image
     We are taught from a young age that if you do the right thing—if you speak up, if you provide the evidence, if you use your voice—the system will catch you. They call it "justice." They call it "karma." Yesterday, I watched that fairy tale burn to the ground. After months of being told "the lawyers have it in the bag," after video proof of a confession, and after the agonizing toll this has taken on our spirits, the verdict came back:  Not Guilty.  Not because the crime didn't happen, but because of a level of state negligence that is almost impossible to fathom. When the "System" fails us this catastrophically, it isn't just a mental blow; it is a physical poisoning. For those of us already navigating the tilting decks of the  Dizzy Sea , this isn't just "stress." It is a massive influx of fire in the veins. When the state fails to provide sanctuary, the body remains in a state of  Hyper-Vigilance . Your internal compa...
Read more

The Sacred Pause: The Alchemy of Stillness

Image
    In a world that worships the "Burn," we are told that to stop is to fail. We are told that our worth is measured by how much wood we can throw onto the fire. But any Alchemist knows that a flame that burns too high for too long eventually turns everything to ash. For a long time, I viewed the moments when my body demanded a stop—when the  Dizzy Sea  rose or the fire in my spine became too bright—as a defeat. I saw it as my body "giving up." But I was wrong. These moments aren't a collapse; they are a  Sacred Pause . When we are in a state of constant "doing," our energy is scattered. We are like a jar of water that has been shaken—everything is cloudy, turbulent, and gray. The Sacred Pause is the act of setting the jar down. The Settling:  As you be still, the "visual noise" of your life begins to sink to the bottom. The Clarity:  Only in the stillness does the water become clear enough for you to see the reflection of your own soul. The...
Read more